[Ibs making her world-famous biscuits]
Ibs and I lay awake in our beds last night, talking
late into the night. Earlier that morning, the two of us had been looking at
our schedules for the day, and had run into a conflict of time/needs/desires…
the normal sort of hiccup you’re bound to run into when you try to dovetail
busy schedules and varied needs. It wasn’t a fight and it wasn’t a sister
conflict, but it was a simple disagreement that requires being worked through
with a mature, can-do attitude, until both parties’ needs are accounted for.
And here’s the deal: if you haven’t been resolving the
little teeny things between you and your sister, and you’ve let them build up
(perhaps under the assumption that it’s always best to just “let it slide” and
get on with life)… it’s usually when that simple disagreement comes up that
everything comes flooding back and now suddenly you’ve got a BIG talk happening,
instead of just a quick decision about who’s going to make lunch.
Thankfully yesterday’s quick decision was quick – and that’s what Ibs and I
were talking about last night. We realized that our relationship runs quite
smoothly and we’re able to work disagreements out efficiently, because we spend so much time investing
in our relationship that we have a solid foundation on which to work. So that’s
my first point…
1. Invest quality time in your relationship with your sister.
It’s like a bank account. The more you put in, the more
you have available, and the safer you’ll be when you suddenly have to make an
unexpected withdrawal. When you invest time, effort, service, etc, in your
sister relationships, you build trust and the bonds of friendship, so when
someone makes a withdrawal, you’re not left high and dry. Besides, “where your
treasure is, there your heart will be also”… the more you invest in your
sister, the more you will value her.
2. Be perfectly honest with your sister.
Covenant with her that you will always tell the truth
to her (and her to you), no matter how unpleasant it is to hear. Now, it is
equally important to speak with kindness, so when she comes out of the closet
and asks you what you think of an outfit, don’t yell “That looks HORRIBLE!!!”
At least I don’t suggest it. :)
But any strong relationship has a great measure of trust involved, and both of
you need to be able to trust each other’s honesty. Ibs and I have made this
very clear between us: whether it’s a small thing, like a little habit one of
us has, or a really, really big thing, like a future husband option, we will
always tell each other the truth and not beat around the bush. (again, I
repeat: with kindness!)
3. Find common ground with your sister, and celebrate your differences. Just by
growing up in the same family, you share a ton of things in common. Celebrate
that. Seek out that common ground and enjoy it, just the way you’d enjoy it if
it was your best out-of-family friend. There isn’t any need to be threatened by
it, because there’s enough room in this world for both of you to succeed. And
celebrate the skills/possessions/interests/talents/etc that you don’t share,
because they actually make you stronger. You can work well as a team when each
team member has their own area of strength – as well as those shared
common-ground areas.
P.S. If you’re anything like Ibs & I, you know what
it’s like to be constantly finishing each other’s sentences, responding immediately
with the right answer to a totally off-topic question she randomly asks you… and
always knowing what each other is thinking. Ibs said to me the other day, after
we’d had a funny interaction with a stranger in town, “You know, Ems, when we’re
in some situations, it’s kind of hard not to chuckle because I know JUST what
you’re thinking. So I can’t really look at you because I know if I do, I’ll
burst out laughing.” I know… totally. :)
