[enjoying a friend's absolutely awesome piano]

There are a lot of things to think about these days.

Your to-do list, for example. Also that looming deadline. And that item you remembered you needed to find yesterday but then forgot and now what was it? Even if you’ve got most of your life under control, you deal with something potentially stressful almost every day.

Which (if you are currently single) isn’t likely to stop after you get married… fast-forward a few years and now you are dealing with the wonderfulness of marriage & parenting, bringing with it new opportunities and challenges and definitely the need to be stress-free.

Insert coping strategies. What do you do when you feel stressed? How do you cope with discouragements, frenzied schedules, sad news, nerve-jangling events?

Here are a few of my coping strategies:

- Playing the piano.... just a few minutes of playing can completely change the whole feeling of a day

- Walking in nature, or even just being outside

- Talking with family members

- Listening to good music

- Making a mental list of everything I'm grateful for (it's a long list!)

Having strategies for those sure-to-occur stressful days can be a lifesaver, and help keep you the cheerful, easygoing person you want to be.

What are your stress-coping strategies?

 

Is it okay for Christian girls to daydream about guys?

He stood near to me, the distance between us as far as social rules dictate and as close as singles dare, looking into my eyes and talking about something – it didn’t even matter what – while I wondered how long it would be until I lost track of time and melted away into a state of utter bliss. His clear eyes sparkled with the light of humor and attraction. His hearty laugh filled my ears. His stellar character was unconsciously revealed in his words and actions. His life and person and vision was the one I wanted to cheer on for the rest of my days. Was it any wonder my heart was thumping quick and hard, dancing the thrilling timeless rhythm of a God-given love?

And then my alarm clock rang. In two seconds I crashed back into reality and sat up, clutching a roaring timepiece that reminded me of all things that were real and all things that weren’t, and I was looking out the window at a serenely peaceful scene that represented everything of normal life. It’s Tuesday. March 2016. It’s time to get up, get dressed, go downstairs, poke up the dying fire, brew coffee, and find my favorite Bible-reading spot on the couch. It’s a normal day. There are articles to write and a dentist appointment to take little sis to and dinner to cook and a grocery store trip to make.

For a moment I just lay there, watching the thin, bare tree branches sway in morning wind, and lazy snowflakes drift quietly from a grey sky. It took a minute to clear my head, and then in a split second I remembered the dream and it all came flooding back.

Now, to re-play or not to re-play? 

The question suddenly hit me like an uncomfortable cold draft, and I stopped short. I wanted to re-live every delicious scene and remember what it had all felt like. I wanted to think about how he had looked at me, that one glance when everything had been written in his eyes. I wanted to dream it all over again.

Then the second cold draft hit me. What would my future husband want me to do? And, um, what would I want him to do?

Hmm. Stuck. I wondered if he had had a dream like that last night. What if he was just waking up right now, crashing back into reality like I’d just done, with the vision of some dark-eyed beauty swirling in his head?

Well… an unconscious night-dream is one thing… a day-dream fantasy another. And I realized something: I need to hold myself to the exact same standard that I expect of my future husband, even now. If I don’t want him daydreaming (not night-dreaming, which often cannot be helped) about a girl who is not me, then I should not allow myself to re-play, re-live, or re-dream during the day a fantasy picture about some guy who is not necessarily him.

My bottom line on the to-daydream-or-not-to-daydream question? 

When there is a grey area that is not clearly spelled out in Scripture or in wise guidance from parents/mentors, I suggest setting your personal standard as the same standard you have set for your future spouse. 

It will help keep your heart on the right track now, and provide for more harmony in your relationship later.

 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” – Philippians 4:8

Dream

[yours truly at 3]

I was a little girl,

Alone in my little world,

Who dreamed of a little home for me

I played pretend between the trees, and fed my house guests bark and leaves,

And laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream...

(Priscilla Ahn)

 

Are You Helping Your Siblings to be at Their Best?

 [searching for shells in Florida]

If you are young and single, you have probably thought about the person you might marry someday.

Some singles make lists of what they're looking for. Others don't. Some think about their future spouse often, and pray for him or her. Others hardly think of them at all, and only awaken to the idea of a "future spouse" when someone amazing walks into their life.

But there is one constant: everyone has an idea, however undefined, of qualities or a list of qualities they will value in a future spouse.

“I want him to be the spiritual leader.” “I want her to like kids.” “I hope he has a sense of humor.”

Regardless of whether or not you’ve made a “list,” or if you will ever actually get married, there are some items that will be important to you if/when that person does come onto the scene.

Are you helping prepare your single siblings to be their best in marriage?  

How are you helping your brother to control his temper? 

How are you helping your sister to resolve conflict with other siblings? 

When tensions arise in your family, do you encourage everyone to work them out, or are you tempted to just push them under the rug and move on with life? (not recommended!)

These skills, and so many more, will be invaluable in a marriage someday.

I’m not advocating suddenly becoming a giant chisel in your siblings’ lives to bash off rough edges. :) But I am suggesting that you have a privilege (may I say a duty?) to speak encouragement into the lives of your family members, to prayerfully help guide them in a positive direction, to support them in their goals. 

Marriage prep starts now!

Let’s set up the next generation of marriages for success, before they’ve even begun.

How to Get Along with Your Sister: Part Two

[Ibs making her world-famous biscuits]

Ibs and I lay awake in our beds last night, talking late into the night. Earlier that morning, the two of us had been looking at our schedules for the day, and had run into a conflict of time/needs/desires… the normal sort of hiccup you’re bound to run into when you try to dovetail busy schedules and varied needs. It wasn’t a fight and it wasn’t a sister conflict, but it was a simple disagreement that requires being worked through with a mature, can-do attitude, until both parties’ needs are accounted for.

And here’s the deal: if you haven’t been resolving the little teeny things between you and your sister, and you’ve let them build up (perhaps under the assumption that it’s always best to just “let it slide” and get on with life)… it’s usually when that simple disagreement comes up that everything comes flooding back and now suddenly you’ve got a BIG talk happening, instead of just a quick decision about who’s going to make lunch.

Thankfully yesterday’s quick decision was quick – and that’s what Ibs and I were talking about last night. We realized that our relationship runs quite smoothly and we’re able to work disagreements out efficiently, because we spend so much time investing in our relationship that we have a solid foundation on which to work. So that’s my first point…

1. Invest quality time in your relationship with your sister.  It’s like a bank account. The more you put in, the more you have available, and the safer you’ll be when you suddenly have to make an unexpected withdrawal. When you invest time, effort, service, etc, in your sister relationships, you build trust and the bonds of friendship, so when someone makes a withdrawal, you’re not left high and dry. Besides, “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”… the more you invest in your sister, the more you will value her.

2. Be perfectly honest with your sister.  Covenant with her that you will always tell the truth to her (and her to you), no matter how unpleasant it is to hear. Now, it is equally important to speak with kindness, so when she comes out of the closet and asks you what you think of an outfit, don’t yell “That looks HORRIBLE!!!” At least I don’t suggest it. :) But any strong relationship has a great measure of trust involved, and both of you need to be able to trust each other’s honesty. Ibs and I have made this very clear between us: whether it’s a small thing, like a little habit one of us has, or a really, really big thing, like a future husband option, we will always tell each other the truth and not beat around the bush. (again, I repeat: with kindness!)  

3. Find common ground with your sister, and celebrate your differences.  Just by growing up in the same family, you share a ton of things in common. Celebrate that. Seek out that common ground and enjoy it, just the way you’d enjoy it if it was your best out-of-family friend. There isn’t any need to be threatened by it, because there’s enough room in this world for both of you to succeed. And celebrate the skills/possessions/interests/talents/etc that you don’t share, because they actually make you stronger. You can work well as a team when each team member has their own area of strength – as well as those shared common-ground areas.  

P.S. If you’re anything like Ibs & I, you know what it’s like to be constantly finishing each other’s sentences, responding immediately with the right answer to a totally off-topic question she randomly asks you… and always knowing what each other is thinking. Ibs said to me the other day, after we’d had a funny interaction with a stranger in town, “You know, Ems, when we’re in some situations, it’s kind of hard not to chuckle because I know JUST what you’re thinking. So I can’t really look at you because I know if I do, I’ll burst out laughing.” I know… totally. :)