Single Girls: Are You Boy-Crazy or Boy-Wise? (Part 1)

 

How boy-crazy is too boy crazy (or is any boy craziness okay?) and what does being boy-wise mean?

Let’s start with the dictionary definition of boy-crazy: “being attracted to one guy after another in quick succession, sometimes with several love interests going on at the same time; unable to go more than a week in between boyfriends; desperate to find a replacement boyfriend because she feels incomplete and insecure without one.”

“Boy-crazy” is often used pejoratively to describe a girl who lacks substance, self-development, self-discipline or interest in anything meaningful, and who throws herself in an obvious way at any available guy.  Generally, a boy-crazy girl is excessively flirtatious.

Web example:  “Wait, she’s dating Sam now? I thought she was into Alex!”…”Yeah, she’s just boy crazy.”

That description does not apply to most of us, though, so I was surprised to the “boy-crazy” label as something girls want to know if they have.  Click here to see the quiz that caught my eye.

Before we get to “boy-wise”, let’s figure out how to correctly answer some of Paula Hendrick’s quiz questions about “boy-crazy” girls:

Question 1: In a room full of people, do you always know where “he” is?

Assuming “he” is a guy of interest to you, there are three options that could address this question:

1.     Miss Totally-Don’t-Need-Him

She acts like he’s invisible and she doesn’t care to reach out to him. She feels that she doesn’t need this guy, even though he is very attractive to most girls and clearly the best catch in the room because of his spiritual strength, heart, and character.

There’s another type of girl who also acts like great guys are invisible – this girl figures that if anything is going to happen with a guy she’s interested in, it will be up to God to work a miracle; therefore, she decides to look shy or aloof, as if she doesn’t even see him.

She may decide to push him out of her mind because that feels like the godly thing to do, and because her ministry and life and friends are so fulfilling right now. It is so much easier to ignore him. Consequently, the answer is no, she doesn’t “always know where ‘he’ is in a room full of people.”

No is a fine answer IF she is truly God-focused and marked by a consistent earnest prayer life for her future and not just taking the easy route of ignoring him or the independent route of cool indifference.  The primary drawback to this answer is that Scripture does not teach us to treat any guy like he is invisible.  Trust God, yes, but like Ruth and Esther, it may be necessary to take some action in showing kindness. Basic action might include smiling and reaching out to him to the same extent that she smiles and draws out others in the room, in contrast to purposely pretending he’s not there, giving him the impression that he’s not worth her time.

1.     Miss I’ve-Got-To-Win-Him-NOW

If she says or does something to direct his attention to her, or she feels like her eyes are on alert following his every move in her peripheral vision and looking over her shoulder from time to time when she is talking to someone else in an effort to keep track of where he is… and she knows she’ll be sorely disappointed if she doesn’t get a chance to be noticed by him, she is showing signs of being boy crazy.   

This kind of “yes” answer (yes to always knowing where he is in a room) is like having an “I’m desperate” sign on her back. Time to dial back to what is important, like talking encouragingly and meaningfully with the person she is standing with, since that’s the person God put in her direct path for a reason.  Let him see her genuine interactions with others, how honestly animated and caring she is, and if he should look her way some time in the evening, she should show him a sweet smile from a pure heart that trusts in God’s timing. A quality guy will see that she spends time with the rich and the poor, the old and the young, the popular and the fringe people.

3.      Miss I-Can’t-Help-Knowing-Where-He-Is-But-I-Use-That-Information-Wisely

This is the girl who answers “yes” to the question of knowing where “he” is, but it is a yes because she also knows where other people are; she has a natural gift or she has developed the gift of awareness, so that she knows where the quiet wallflower is who needs a little encouragement and she knows where the unsung servers are who deserve her gratitude and she knows where the alpha guys are and where the guy is who has caught her interest.  She should not feel guilty nor boy-crazy for knowing where he (and everyone else) is at all times. 

She needs to use this skill for good, and not strictly for self-gain. Given that she knows where he is at all times, she needs to guard her heart from thinking about him when she is talking with others, and steel herself from purposely looking his way since it is much easier to do when she knows right where he is.  If she catches him looking her way (and she will likely know), she needs to show him the same warm kindness that she shows to everyone else in the room.  She doesn’t swoon when he looks at her (though she may blush naturally) nor drop everything to maneuver herself around the room to stand in line next to him in the buffet or to sit next to him at a table.

The skill of awareness (which garnered her the natural “yes” to this question) is one that every girl should develop; as a good and attentive mother, she will have an intuitive sense of where her children are even in a large room, regardless of how quiet they are.  She has the ability to “read a room” – this is a gift from God for her to steward, and is a natural quality of every good counselor/listener.

Summary:

Quiz Question: In a room full of people, do you always know where “he” is?

Cliff Note Answer:  

NO is a fine answer.

YES is a better answer IF it comes naturally or happens as a direct result of having practiced and mastered the art of awareness.

Tomorrow we’ll tackle Question 2. . .