The Boy-Crazy Quiz for Single Girls: Part 2

Question 2: Are Boys Your Number-One Favorite Topic of Conversation with Your Friends?

The “Nun”:

Her answer is “no” – boys are not her number one favorite topic of conversation with her friends or family.

She genuinely is not interested marriage, ever. She feels strongly that she is one of the few who are called to a celibate life, and is certain that God has not created her for the role of wife and mother to children. Hence, marriage is not on her mind (lifetime celibacy is a Scripturally viable option).

The only reason she would enjoy talking about guys is to help her friends and those she mentors. Though she does not desire marriage, she recognizes it as a God-given desire for most women and she wants to help them fulfill their calling.

The Independent Girl:

Her answer is also “no.” She is too busy with her full life and her big plans (that don’t include a man any time soon).

She may or may not enjoy talking about her friends’ guy-girl relationships, though she generally doesn’t feel any need for a guy herself. She may also be critical of those who she sees as caving in to idle talk about something over which they have no control (i.e. marriage and how to prepare). She feels that she has the greatest amount of control in her capable self when she can keep guys at a distance.

She sees relationship talk of any kind as a distraction and has little respect for girls or guys who discuss such things. Often, this type of girl has been hurt or abused in some way by a guy, has witnessed too many bad courtships/marriages, or has tired of uber-dependent boy-obsessed girls who seem desperate to get married as if all their immaturity will disappear with marriage.

Boys are certainly not one of her favorite conversation topics, though she would be interested in getting married and having children someday.

The Lazy “Boy-Crazy” Girl:

Yes, yes, yes! She loves to talk about guys! She wants a guy more than anything else and she feels empty without one. 

She is not above seducing guys by flirting or manipulating their hearts. And she struggles with contentment and security in her current relationship, because she is only satisfied when the relationship is moving toward romance… hence she initiates physical affection before a guy may be ready to commit, and uses physical touch as a way to get him past any doubts he feels. She is romantic and sensual before fully analyzing whether they are a good match. 

She is impatient to get to marriage, and manufactures in her mind greater suitability than actually exists. She talks so much about every passing look he gives her and every word he speaks that she actually begins to believe he likes her more than he does. She is prone to major emotional swings based on what he said or did (or didn’t say or didn’t do). 

She is too lazy or insecure to analyze either what is really happening between them or whether she is the right one for him. She wants a guy so badly, she doesn’t want to face the facts or work through an in-depth analysis. If someone questions his suitability, she acts wounded, and/or critiques the one who questions her choice of a guy.

She wants a husband in her own way and in her own timing: i.e. Now!

Marriage-Preparing Girl:

 [Note: if you’re already completely prepared for marriage, with the “prepping” or “learning” stage behind you, feel free to skip this section :)]

Getting back to the question, “Are boys your number one favorite topic of conversation with your friends?”

The Marriage-Preparing girl answers this question: No. And Yes.

No to this specific question, because it denotes an imbalance, in the use of the words “number one favorite topic.” And for most girls, random or light banter with their friends is rarely conducive to productive guy-related discussions.

But Yes to a balanced form of this question, rephrased: “Are boys one of your favorite topics of conversation with your family?”

Girls who are adequately and enthusiastically prepping for marriage know the importance of learning everything they can about guys – how they think, how they act, how they want to be shown respect, how to peacefully resolve conflict with them, what they value, and how to love them. Yes, even how to love them… if all of this came naturally, without hard work, there would be no need for Bible verses and “Love and Respect” seminars that teach married women how to respond to their men. Adequately prepped girls also recognize that marriage will not solve all their problems, and neither should it be the end-all goal of their lives.

Should girls talk ONLY about guys?

Definitely not! Girls who are adequately prepping for marriage have full, rich lives with a whole lot more to talk about than just guys. These girls delight in talking about marriage and how to be ready for a guy, but are mature enough to keep balance in their conversations and to not allow one topic to dominate.

And she strives to include at least one married person in her conversations about guys and marriage. We singles simply don’t have the same perspective about married life that those in the midst of it have. :)

Every girl who wants to get married should talk about guys in a healthy way.

This is how she learns. By a healthy way, I mean constructive, productive, God-honoring conversations that seek to promote growth and preparation, not ooey-gooey giggles over how handsome Joe Blow is. The preparing girl processes what to look for in a guy, why to look for those qualities, and what her dealbreakers are. And do you have one or more brothers? They are some of your best resources for learning how to positively relate to guys! 

Most of us recognize that making the right choice of a husband doesn’t come naturally… if it did, the happiness rate for Christian marriages would be far higher. 

Every marriage-preparing girl spends more time developing in herself the character strengths she’s looking for in a guy than she does talking about the guy himself.

Like qualities attract. So if a girl is looking for a guy who is spiritually-minded, or humble, or capable, or funny, she would do well to develop those qualities in her own character & personality.

She doesn’t lose her appetite for marriage when a guy doesn’t seem interested – she continues to show respect for all men, and seeks to understand men and her future role long before marriage.

She can watch (and enjoy) a film or book with an appropriate, God-honoring romance in it without feeling discouraged that she doesn’t have a guy or using it as fodder for daydreams about her own romance with a knight on a white horse. 

Her trust is totally in God.

She is confident, competent, and capable, AND she desires an equally strong and godly man for marriage. She is patient. The learning process about her own needs and about a guy’s needs is long and intense, and she enjoys every bit of it.

 

And somewhere in the process of learning about gender roles and facing personal gaps and seeking advice… somewhere in all that talking and practicing, she grows into the beautiful woman who will attract a quality guy.

Let’s be that woman.