Is it okay for Christian girls to daydream about guys?

Sunday, March 6, 2016

He stood near to me, the distance between us as far as social rules dictate and as close as singles dare, looking into my eyes and talking about something – it didn’t even matter what – while I wondered how long it would be until I lost track of time and melted away into a state of utter bliss. His clear eyes sparkled with the light of humor and attraction. His hearty laugh filled my ears. His stellar character was unconsciously revealed in his words and actions. His life and person and vision was the one I wanted to cheer on for the rest of my days. Was it any wonder my heart was thumping quick and hard, dancing the thrilling timeless rhythm of a God-given love?

And then my alarm clock rang. In two seconds I crashed back into reality and sat up, clutching a roaring timepiece that reminded me of all things that were real and all things that weren’t, and I was looking out the window at a serenely peaceful scene that represented everything of normal life. It’s Tuesday. March 2016. It’s time to get up, get dressed, go downstairs, poke up the dying fire, brew coffee, and find my favorite Bible-reading spot on the couch. It’s a normal day. There are articles to write and a dentist appointment to take little sis to and dinner to cook and a grocery store trip to make.

For a moment I just lay there, watching the thin, bare tree branches sway in morning wind, and lazy snowflakes drift quietly from a grey sky. It took a minute to clear my head, and then in a split second I remembered the dream and it all came flooding back.

Now, to re-play or not to re-play? 

The question suddenly hit me like an uncomfortable cold draft, and I stopped short. I wanted to re-live every delicious scene and remember what it had all felt like. I wanted to think about how he had looked at me, that one glance when everything had been written in his eyes. I wanted to dream it all over again.

Then the second cold draft hit me. What would my future husband want me to do? And, um, what would I want him to do?

Hmm. Stuck. I wondered if he had had a dream like that last night. What if he was just waking up right now, crashing back into reality like I’d just done, with the vision of some dark-eyed beauty swirling in his head?

Well… an unconscious night-dream is one thing… a day-dream fantasy another. And I realized something: I need to hold myself to the exact same standard that I expect of my future husband, even now. If I don’t want him daydreaming (not night-dreaming, which often cannot be helped) about a girl who is not me, then I should not allow myself to re-play, re-live, or re-dream during the day a fantasy picture about some guy who is not necessarily him.

My bottom line on the to-daydream-or-not-to-daydream question? 

When there is a grey area that is not clearly spelled out in Scripture or in wise guidance from parents/mentors, I suggest setting your personal standard as the same standard you have set for your future spouse. 

It will help keep your heart on the right track now, and provide for more harmony in your relationship later.

 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” – Philippians 4:8

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